I didn’t realize that family could be anything other than a source of pain until I met my husband

Last year, Meemaw and Pipo from Brandon came to Florida for Christmas. Their upcoming trip caused me great anxiety. It’s been two years since I last attended a family reunion.

Caught pangs of grief after my father’s sudden death just a few months ago, I wasn’t ready to behave or exchange passive-aggressive pleasantries. To my surprise, the visit turned out to be extremely pleasant.

They truly lived up to their charming titles as picturesque grandparents. They bought all our products and spoiled my daughter. His grandmother even insisted on doing the dishes the whole way and refused to take no for an answer. This was more disturbing than if my expectations had been realized.

All my life I was taught to fear my grandmother. I saw her more than once handing out gifts to all the children except me. Experiencing the love of a grandmother who owed me nothing made me feel unworthy. This trip also brought to light the hidden grief I was carrying. for the family I never had.

After Christmas, I spent the next six months processing these feelings through therapy to prepare for our second vacation in California. By the time we landed in San Diego, I felt both prepared and excited.

Instead of shying away from family intimacy out of fear, I was willing to embrace it. My healing was obvious to me and everyone around me.

happy family meeting Askar Abaev | Pexels

Brandon’s family dynamics are almost identical to those of the characters on Modern Family, the hit ABC sitcom that aired from 2009 to 2020. He always said that, but I assumed he was exaggerating. It was during this trip that I learned that close families don’t just exist on TV.

The entire vacation was planned by Brandon’s grandfather to celebrate his Uncle D’s 50th birthday. He purchased round-trip tickets for everyone who lived outside of California. Grandfather even created an itinerary for daily activities, which he sponsored.

We stayed with Brandon’s mother. She gave us her bed while she slept on the couch. We never had to ask because for her it was a given.

Every morning we woke up from house full of loved ones. After a cup of coffee and a quick breakfast, we all sat on the back patio and chatted or played cards. Family and friends joined us. Uncle D. usually opened the common gate and periodically came in to chat.

By noon, all the cousins and a few of the neighborhood kids were heading to the pool. Card games and puck tournaments were in full swing among the adults. As the sun set, we moved on to one of the many planned activities filled with food and laughter.