Asking Eric: My brothers forgot their niece’s birthday, but don’t forget to send gift lists for your kids.

Dear Eric! I have two brothers who recently were unable to send a birthday gift or even a card to my 12 year old daughter. On the other hand, my wife and I always send birthday gifts or money and cards to their children, our nieces and nephews.

My daughter sadly noted that she did not receive a gift from them last year. Otherwise she loves her aunts, uncles and cousins.

One of my brothers just sent his 9 year old son a request for a video game birthday gift. I’m happy to give a gift to my nephew, but also a little annoyed that it isn’t reciprocated. We welcome your advice.

– No gift back

Dear, no gift! Send a gift, but have a separate conversation with your brothers about what the gifts mean to your daughter and how the lack of recognition has affected her and how you feel.

A gift exchange between niece and nephew doesn’t have to be tit-for-tat, but it’s important to let your brothers know that you’re not feeling the family connection you want. If you like, offer to send them reminders or lists of gift requests for your daughter’s sake. This may not be deliberate neglect; they may simply not be able to cope with birthdays.

Dear Eric! My brother-in-law is coming to visit. He likes to drink very expensive alcohol. As a host, how much should I provide? It can easily polish an entire bottle in one night. He comes for a week. My husband and I drink a glass of cheap red wine from time to time. I struggle to be a good housekeeper and spend my grocery budget.

– Master of the teetotaler

Dear master, shouldn’t your brother-in-law bring you as a guest? You a fancy bottle of his favorite liquor as a thank you, rather than the other way around?

At best, you can buy one of his favorite bottles as a sign of hospitality. But guests should not come with contract riders. If you don’t have what he needs, he’s capable of filling the bar himself. Sometimes, to feel at home during a visit, you need to ask the owner for directions to the liquor store.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him at Instagram and subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.