I’m a psychotherapist – these are the most annoying habits of my clients

Having objective hearing is one of the advantages therapy. Unlike your best friend, partner, or mom, a therapist will not take your thoughts, behavior, or actions personally, but will instead listen without judgment. In doing so, they can help you improve your relationships with yourself and others.

But the fact that they are more objective does not mean that therapists are free from their own interpretations. Their job is to listen, and so they think and feel a lot of things but don’t voice them. You’ve probably wondered what these things are.

To get some answers, I spoke to Dr Louise Goddard-Crawley, a chartered psychologist and therapist with over 20 years’ experience in the health sector, about the things that irritate and frustrate therapists.

She shared not only the unpleasantness, but also what these things can tell therapists and patients.

“They are all clues, gems of things that you can really focus on and help,” she says.

“If you are a therapist and you feel frustrated by these things, you should look at it as something that is being projected onto you and try to face it with curiosity. Instead of being upset about it, it really needs to be approached with compassion and empathy.”

She adds that there’s also no need to panic if you notice any of these habits.

“If you recognize yourself in these behaviors—for example, seeking confirmation or trying to control a session—working together with your therapist can be incredibly helpful. Perhaps you might consider asking the question, “What am I protecting myself from?” or “What pattern am I recreating here?” and bring that curiosity into your studies.

“But let’s also remember that it should be your therapist’s job first and foremost to notice and hold onto these behaviors with caution and curiosity, helping you make sense of them.”

Failure to implement agreed upon actions

One thing that often comes up, Dr. Goddard-Crowley says, is that a therapist may spend a long time working with a client on a strategy for how to change a particular pattern or behavior, such as confronting someone they would normally let go of. everywhere in them. But when it comes down to it, they don’t follow through. “The client may say, ‘Oh, I forgot,’ or ignore it. And if it happens repeatedly, it can be a little frustrating,” she says.

But this resistance could well indicate something subconscious. “I think what we are looking at here can be interpreted as an unconscious resistance to control or as a form of defiance. It can also be a form of protection or self-protection around someone. fear of failure“

Ignoring key points of the session

“Ignoring is a little different than forgetting,” she explains. “Rather than simple avoidance, this behavior may represent a form of dissociation, where the client unconsciously “shuts down” from potentially disturbing ideas in order to protect himself from unpleasant feelings. This process can prevent them from confronting aspects of their personality that they find difficult to accept or integrate.”

Constantly cancelling, rescheduling or being late.

As in any area of ​​life, it is very frustrating for therapists when scheduled appointments keep getting rescheduled. for no reason.

“It can disrupt the flow. And to be completely honest, that means I have extra work to do. But it could also be a sign that something else is going on.”

She explains that constant change means there is likely to be some avoidance or ambivalence about therapy – “a way of regulating a sense of control over sessions. For some reason the ego must have the feeling that it is in control.”

But instead of that being the reason therapy may not workshe advises you to recognize and explore this within yourself. “Is it fear of facing unpleasant emotions or perhaps fear of being judged? It can help to start small—for example, focusing on taking one class at a time rather than committing to a long-term process.

“Communicating this difficulty to a therapist is a great step; A good therapist will adapt to your pace and explore these avoidance behaviors with curiosity rather than criticism, and will eventually find a way to help you with them.”

Seeking confirmation or approval

Opening up with a therapist is a feeling of vulnerability, so it is natural to seek approval from the therapist. These can range from subtle nonverbal cues, such as a pleading facial expression or wide, expectant eyes, to more overt ones: the client often asks, “Did I do this right?”/“What do you think?”

Dr Goddard-Crowley explains that this is not necessarily annoying, but can put a lot of pressure on them. “It might make you feel in some way excessively responsible. But again, it 1000 percent reflects something else.”

She explains that this reliance on external validation isn’t a problem in itself—in fact, she says that “you need to build a little sense of camaraderie early in a relationship.” However, she adds, “If it feels intrusive, there may be resistance to healthy boundaries,” as well as an attempt to gain approval that they feel they lack in other areas.

Avoiding difficult topics

“Avoidance and silence about complex topics it’s a big deal,” she says. Typically, these are topics on which we expect judgment (such as “ugly” feelings towards loved ones) or find uncomfortable or threatening.

“These avoided subjects often feel burdened with shame or pain, making it difficult for them to confront,” she says. “Yet, by avoiding them, they remain hidden and unhealed, rather than explored through the lens of empathy, kindness and understanding.

“But we have to be very careful about it because a lot of things are bound to cause mental pain.”

This means that you will have to navigate them very carefully. “We have to be very careful, very skillful and patient in how we bring up sensitive topics, especially if they are not discussed in session.”

Session management

Sometimes clients may monopolize the session to the point that the therapist cannot get a word in edgewise. It’s as if the client is there to express his opinion rather than reflect on what he is discussing.

“They fill space with words, but sometimes it can feel like they fill space in a form of avoidance,” she says. “Perhaps they are filling space so we don’t talk about things we could be working on, or there is some avoidance there. This kind of withdrawal may mean that there is no reciprocal relationship happening. This may mean there is no opportunity to analyze, develop ideas or even challenge these things.”

Excessive apology

“Another common problem that I think is a little harsh is patients who apologize for everything,” she says. “They might be early or late, but then they get stuck on it, it’s almost like a loop they get stuck in. It needs to be approached with a lot of compassion and a lot of empathy, but again, it can be overwhelming and a little distracting.”

She explains that this may signal a defense based on guilt or shame, “perhaps from a situation where the client felt like they were ‘too much’ or needed to reassure others to avoid conflict.”

Hiding information

Another example: a client will wait until the last minute to share something, intentionally or not. “An example: In your last or second-to-last session, someone might have talked about a particularly important, painful or traumatic event, but they might have waited until the very end to tell you about it,” she says. “It can be very frustrating because you’re trying to hold the line, but it can feel like the job hasn’t been done very well. It may feel like there wasn’t the ending that was needed.”

This could indicate a fear of being rejected or judged, she said. “By revealing vulnerable parts only at the last minute, the client maintains control and limits exposure.”

Again, Dr. Goddard-Crowley recommends that this fear of disclosure be addressed directly during the session where possible. “Simply saying, ‘I have a hard time opening up,’ can start an important conversation about creating a safe and supportive space. Starting small, with less emotionally charged topics, can make the process easier and allow trust to develop naturally over time.”