3 lies about loneliness | Articles about the intersection

Don’t panic

Letting go of panic turned out to be useful during a crisis – no one ever talked about it. However, panic is a natural reaction of those who become fixated on their circumstances rather than on Christ. Didn’t Peter prove this by walking on water? As long as he looked at Jesus, he moved forward, but as soon as he turned his gaze to the wind and waves, he began to sink. Peter panicked (Matt. 14:22–30).

We often do the same when the wind and waves of loneliness threaten to drown us. If we are not fixated on Jesus—and if we do not view life through a biblical lens—we will try to fight these waves ourselves, and we will ultimately fail. Panic swimmers often drown.

Lie: Loneliness is pure evil

The waves of loneliness are reinforced by this myth: “Loneliness is the result of something bad, and therefore no one should experience it.”¹ If we believe in it, we’re going to use everything we have to fight it. We will have no peace, no joy, no delight in the Lord. And we will never find a way out of the water.

Let’s take a closer look at this myth. Is loneliness always the result of something bad? On the one hand, God said that it is not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18). So in that sense, yes, loneliness—and the loneliness that accompanies it—is not good. However, we cannot escape the fact that it was God who created Adam and then placed him in the garden alone. Sin has not even entered the world yet. In other words, Adam’s original loneliness was God’s doing, and God did it to solve the problem of loneliness by providing Adam with company. God gave Adam a wife; however, “he never intended marriage to make up for incompleteness or eradicate loneliness. Rather, it reveals more fully our need for our ultimate destiny to be in union with Him.”² So, from the very beginning, human loneliness in itself was not good, but that was not the end of the story. So don’t panic. The emptiness that so often accompanies loneliness—loneliness—must be filled, most completely, by Christ himself.

Lie: I shouldn’t be alone

So loneliness isn’t such a bad thing after all. And since this is so, we cannot say that no one will have to experience this. On the contrary, since God created us to strive for unity, it stands to reason that we should experience loneliness. Additionally, due to our natural selfishness, we will tend to isolate ourselves to have things our own way in life, never giving in to the desires and needs of others. Without a biblical perspective, we will view loneliness as an extremely bad thing that should be avoided rather than fulfilled. And we will panic.

The voice of panic says:

I’m the only one home alone today.

He’s far from perfect, but if I don’t marry him, I may not have another chance.

Loneliness will destroy my health.

If God were truly good, he would not have left me in such a lonely situation.

God says:

Be strong and brave. Do not be afraid or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9) I will never leave you or forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5) And Jesus said, Behold, I am with you always, even to the end of the age. (Matt. 28:20)

And Jesus said:

Behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age. (Matt. 28:20)

What happens when we panic? Our heart is racing; we feel the blood pulsating. A feeling of despair rises in our throats—we can almost taste it. And then our mind tries to find a way out, and at that moment any path will do. If you’re like me, these moments most often happen after the sun goes down. Sometimes I’m afraid of the night. How will I survive another one alone? And why should I? That’s the thing, isn’t it? Panic so easily turns into rebellion. Once this happens, we will turn away from God and away from Him. We reject God’s comfort and turn to whatever salvation is nearby: television, Facebook, food, alcohol, sleep. We don’t want comfort on God’s terms, so we say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” However, if we insist on living life on our terms, we will only deepen our loneliness.

Lie: I can fix it myself

Sometimes our methods of escape are much more sophisticated. We do not settle for this simple evening escape; we are developing a strategy for radical life change. Indeed, there are times when significant changes may be a wise approach. God’s blessings often come to us through our own activities, and the crushing weight of loneliness may be exactly what God uses to change our path. But if the only options available for change are biblically questionable, or if godly friends express doubts about our plans, then we should reconsider our decision. And even when all the systems fail, there is no guarantee that our loneliness will be corrected as a result. The point is that we cannot fix our loneliness; we were not created with this ability. We can change our loneliness, but not our loneliness.

Light of truth

So what is our goal? This is a good question to ask ourselves if loneliness is causing us to consider making major life changes. If we believe the lie – loneliness is bad, I don’t need to be lonely and I can fix my loneliness – then those lies will guide us. The move we’re considering may open many new doors, but it won’t necessarily solve the problem of loneliness. Signing up for Match.com may lead to relationships, but there’s no guarantee it will cure loneliness. The church on the other side of town has a lot more people, but giving up a small church for a larger one can backfire as a cure for loneliness. On the other hand, if we are lonely because we have no Christian fellowship or Bible church to attend, then change is a wise plan.

So assessing the goal, done prayerfully and over time in God’s word, is a good place to start when it comes to quelling panic.

The emptiness that so often accompanies loneliness—loneliness—must be filled, most completely, by Christ himself.

If we invite the Lord into our lonely times and seasons, we may be pleasantly surprised to find that there are actually some evenings we prefer to have to ourselves. How to free yourself by realizing that turning off the TV and being in silence does not mean death is approaching.

Conversely, we might discover that the God-given way out of our loneliness was always right in front of us, but we did not want to see it. Paul shows us one of these ways:

For by the grace given to me I say to each of you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think. . . . For just as we have many members in one body, and not all the members have the same function, so we, although many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let’s use them. (Rom. 12:3–6)

And John too:

What we have seen and heard we proclaim to you, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed, our fellowship is with the Father and His Son Jesus Christ. . . . God is light, and in Him there is no darkness. If we say that we have fellowship with Him while we walk in darkness, we are lying and not practicing the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another. (1 John 1:3, 5–7)

Married or single, young or old, rich or poor, we cannot fix our loneliness. But we can use this. The real question is, are we ready? Desire is only possible by replacing the lies we have believed with the truth. Elizabeth Elliot writes:

When it seems that we demand too much of ourselves, it is primarily because our thoughts about God Himself are insignificant. . . . In our blindness we approach Him with suspicious reserve. We ask how much of our entertainment He intends to spoil, how much He will demand of us, what high price we must pay before He is appeased. If we had but the slightest idea of ​​His loving kindness and tender mercies, His fatherly care for His poor children, His bounty, His wonderful plans for us; if only we knew how patiently He waits for us to turn to Him, how tenderly He wants to lead us to green pastures and quiet waters, how carefully He prepares a place for us, how constantly He orders, prescribes and develops His Master Plan for our good – if If we had even the slightest idea about all this, could we refuse it? . . What are we clutching so furiously in our sweaty little hands?³

The lie about loneliness is replaced only by the truth about God. He did not leave us to solve our problem on our own. Nothing slipped through the cracks. We are not stuck in Plan B, no matter what got us to where we are today. If we are lonely—if we are lonely—the pain is that God is calling us to a deeper relationship with Him through His Son.

Peter began to drown in the wind and waves because he took his eyes off Jesus. Once this happened, he saw no way out, no salvation. But instead of struggling harder to save himself, he cried out, “Lord, save me.” And immediately—without delay and without any conditions—Jesus reached out his hand and pulled Peter into the boat. Then he asked Peter a question: “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Matt. 14:30–31).

This article is adapted from Find God in your loneliness Lydia Brownback.

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