Dear Annie, I feel embarrassed when friends ask me when I will marry my long-term boyfriend and I don’t have an answer.

Dear Annie, I am 47 years old and have been with my boyfriend Greg for almost six years. I’m really happy with him and I’m at the point where I really can’t imagine myself with anyone else. There’s only one thing: he hasn’t proposed, and I don’t know if he ever will.
It’s gotten to the point where I’m almost desperate for him to propose, but I don’t want to ruin what we have by pushing him away. I also don’t want to waste any more years on a relationship that has no future.
I brought this up with him one day and he kind of brushed it off, saying, “One day, when the time is right.” But I’m starting to feel like “one day” may never come? He’s been married once before and gone through a messy divorce, and I’ve noticed that he always seems a little upset about the whole concept. Whenever someone we know gets engaged, they make a comment like, “We’ll see how long this lasts.”
Recently, several friends and family members asked when we will get married, and I feel so bad that I don’t have an answer. A friend advised me to give him an ultimatum, but I’m too afraid it will backfire. I love him and don’t want to lose him, and I know he loves me too.
How can I talk about marriage in a way that doesn’t feel like I’m pressuring him, but that he understands how important it is to me? Am I wrong for wanting this commitment, or should I just be happy about this good relationship? – I’m waiting and wondering
Dear expectations and thoughts! For some people, marriage is the ultimate symbol of love and commitment. Others could take it or leave it. Still others are categorically against this, arguing that they do not need documents to prove their love.
The only way to find out Greg’s position is to talk to him directly. He seems to be holding on to some bitterness and fear from his first marriage, which can be overcome with communication and the help of a good therapist.
If marriage is non-negotiable for you, tell Greg sooner rather than later. You don’t want to stay with someone who ultimately can’t give you what you want.

Dear Annie, I have a recommendation for your older readers who are about to get married: I strongly encourage them to talk to a financial advisor about the financial dangers of marriage.
Married people are also responsible for each other’s debts (such as medical expenses). There’s nothing like sudden widowhood and huge medical bills. Long-term care also involves the assets of both people if they are married. I know two couples who divorced because of this.
Losing even a few hundred dollars a month can make a significant difference to their standard of living. By all means have a commitment ceremony, but seniors should be mindful of the financial risks associated with getting legally married. This could jeopardize their well-being. — Practical
Dear Practitioner: Thank you for offering your perspective. All couples, regardless of age, should discuss financial issues before deciding to get married. The more money at stake, the greater the need for professional advice.

Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].